Happiness is a Direction

I love the idea of happiness, and I want to dig a little deeper into that well.

"Happiness isn't found in finally becoming the person we think we're supposed to be. It's found in the process of becoming more fully ourselves, one small step at a time."

For years, I thought happiness was a spot on the map—a destination that other people (the lucky joyful ones) had already found. I wanted to forge a way to that place, erect a home, and live there forever, becoming the Lori that God created me to be.

Then I came across Arthur Brooks, and he put language to something I think I'd already known in my bones from my own experience—happiness isn't a destination. It's a direction. 

That means every single day, we can make small decisions that move us toward greater happiness. It's a process, not a solution.

And here's the part that changed everything for me: if happiness is a direction, then hitting bottom isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's information. Something isn't working. And now I have a choice: What can I do next? 

Motherhood is such a wonderful place to practice this concept. From infants to toddlers to grade-school kids to teens to young adults, there is a lot going on. Some of it is gorgeous. And as you probably know, some of it is really hard.

And those hard parts can be places where we can find happiness. Let me illustrate with something specific that happened several years ago:

One of my sons, at the age of one, decided he was not going to sleep through the night anymore.

So every single night he would awaken at 3 a.m., crying out for his mama. He wasn't hungry. He wasn't upset. He just began to wake up at that time.

Every night.

As a mom of many, there are many things that I prize, and sleep is at the very tippy top of that pile.

At first I just kept getting up with my son, soothing him back to bed, thinking he'd outgrow this new stage.

But he kept at it, night after night.  

So I began to look at the problem from all angles.

I studied it. I pondered. I inspected it.

What that looked like in real time: I went to the library and searched for parenting books that could give me solutions. I did some investigation on our wondrous World Wide Web.

And eventually, I found a rather unique solution.
Each night, I set my own alarm twenty minutes before my son would wake himself up.
I know.
It seems almost like a sacrilegious act, right? A mother making herself get up in the middle of the night when her child is already sleeping?
But.
There was a higher purpose.
I was trying to disrupt his sleep cycle. By waking him up each night and gradually shifting the time earlier, I was able to reset his sleep schedule.
By the fifth night, with hope running through my tired veins, I didn't set my alarm.
I woke up the next morning refreshed, with the angels singing the Alleluia Chorus—my now-cute son had slept through the night.

That process of staring at a problem, seeking a solution and then implementing it created something profoundly joyful within me.

I was happier.

Friends! Happiness isn't only in getting the problem solved. Some of it happens while.we're.solving.it—when we discover that we are capable of doing something about our circumstances. 

Overcoming obstacles can give our lives a sense of meaning. 

Arthur Brooks calls these experiences "narratives of triumph"—the stories we can tell about difficulties we faced and overcame. 

My son’s sleep situation is one of my “Narratives of Triumph”. Instead of freaking out about my son's sleep disruption, I felt proud that I had done some research and found an answer. No, I had not conquered a world problem, but I had resolved one in my own little world, and that made me feel like my own personal Wonder Woman.

This week's happiness practice:

The next time something goes wrong, resist the urge to immediately label it terrible, fling up your arms, and give up.

Instead, get curious.

Ask yourself:

What is a possible solution for this problem?

And maybe that's really what I'm after when I talk about becoming more fully alive.

It's not becoming a completely different person. It's not about finally arriving at some magical place where everything is figured out.

It IS about noticing what's not working, getting curious, and taking the next small step.

Happiness isn't reserved for people with a certain personality type. It's something we can move toward, one little decision at a time.

Which brings me to sugar.

If that's one of the areas where you'd like to make a change, I'm inviting you to join us for our October Sugar Detox, just in time for the holidays.

We start October 5th, and I'll be walking you through the same protocols I use with my clients to help you become more confident around food, feel stronger in your body, and head into the holidays feeling good.

One small step in a better direction.